


and that's all I wanna do right now

by walkthepiccadillycircus



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: -Ish, Angst, Canon Compliant, Feelsy, M/M, Non-platonic, jalec - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 16:17:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11317062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkthepiccadillycircus/pseuds/walkthepiccadillycircus
Summary: Jace felt the first crack at the wedding.





	and that's all I wanna do right now

**Author's Note:**

> First fic here, first fic of Jalec, unbeta'ed. Go easy on me? :p
> 
> The title is taken from Talk Me Down by Troye Sivan which is also what gives me the idea of this. It's a bit feelsy. Constructive criticism is always welcome! Hope you enjoy <3

Jace felt the first crack at the wedding.

When Alec decided enough was enough and strode down the aisle, determination in each step, toward the hopeful looking warlock before pulling the lapel of his embellished suit and kissing him for the whole room to see.

He had felt the twinge somewhere around his ~~heart~~ left flank right then, but he chalked it up to his possessiveness over his parabatai, which in his defense was a perfectly sound reason.

However, Jace was completely unprepared for the blow like a straight punch to the gut when he entered Magnus’ loft and realized what he’d _interrupted_. His heart, what was left of it, cracked open and he wanted nothing more than to excuse himself, walk out the door, and go find somewhere else to stay. But that was just it, he didn’t _have_ anywhere else, couldn’t think of one.

Swallowing the shame that he even needed a place to stay in the first place—the hurt that he was kicked out of his _home—_ Jace tried his best to sound flat when he asked Magnus for help although he couldn’t quite look at them in the eyes.

Jace had never felt so lonely.

Alec was naturally worried about him, a bit pissed if he might add, about the whole thing but even that didn’t do much for the steady ache residing inside him. If anything, Jace wanted to tell Alec to stop, that he was okay, and maybe ask if he needed him to go out for a couple of hours so he could have some time alone with Magnus. But Jace was so tired, so worn out by everything, that he just answered their questions and retired to the room Magnus generously spared for him.

Looking back now, as he was perched on the warlock’s balcony, he should’ve realized that the same twinge had always been there. The first time the warlock so openly showed his interest on Alec. The memory demon. Every other time he caught Magnus throw flirtatious suggestions toward Alec. The sudden _engagement_. The genuine request to be his suggenes.

It was all like small pain puncturing a specific spot inside him every now and then, but Jace was nothing if not used to pain in any form, so he did what he always did—he brushed them off.

Until he had come back to his parabatai dying because he was trying to find him. His brave, strong Alec, had looked lifeless covered in his own sweat and Jace felt his heart _break_. Jace had never been so scared as he recited his oath with more reverence than he ever did to any higher power. _It was the longest minute of his life._

Hindsight is twenty-twenty, they said. Jace wanted to laugh, because of course, of all times he had to realize just now that he might be feeling for Alec something that wasn’t so different from his parabatai’s feelings for him. _Once_ , Jace’s mind supplied wryly, _not anymore_. He’d lost his chance several times over and he would not delude himself into thinking otherwise. Jace Wayland did not regret anything, but this one sure as hell felt like it. _If only he could—_

“Jace?”

His body tensed for a second. The fact that he didn’t even sense that Alec was there was a testament to how jumbled his mind was.

“Alec, you still here? I thought you left,” Jace found his voice a second too late.

“I did. But I sensed... through the bond…” he hesitated. “So I came right back. You okay?”

He found that looking at Alec's eyes was not an easy task. “Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Jace…”

“I’ll be fine, Alec,” Jace cut him off tiredly. “Come here, stand with me.” He extended a hand to his parabatai, knowing in his heart that Alec would take it despite the clear hesitation on his face. Jace was proven true by the firm way Alec was holding his hand.

They stood in silence, just looking at the city lights with no regards of time. It felt like time stopped right then, but to Jace it also felt like he was running out of it. As if in any moment Alec would clap him in the shoulder, say good night and leave. Panic began to rise in his chest, clogging his airways as his heartbeat quickened to an erratic pace.

“Jace, what’s wrong? You’re—”

Only when he heard Alec’s gasp that he realized he’d gripped his parabatai’s hand, clutching it so tight his knuckles turned white. Alec’s concern had turned into full-blown worry now and it flooded through the bond in waves.

His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke. “It’s okay, Alec. Just let me hold your hand for a while.”

_Just a little longer_ , Jace thought. The obvious confusion on his parabatai’s eyes was hard to miss that he didn’t need the bond to know it was there. Jace knew how this might look to Alec, but he couldn’t, for the life of him, tell him _why_. Not when Alec had found the person he could really be with, despite the obstacles that were sure to come given their situation and the narrow minds of their society. So Jace kept his silence. He would allow himself this vulnerability for now. He’d selfishly borrow his parabatai’s strength for a moment, before he had to be strong again, to be _happy_ for Alec.

He felt another crack.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [earthysugarplum](http://earthysugarplum.tumblr.com/) over at Tumblr if you want to say hello :)


End file.
